your reality

i do not have the courage to try to come back into your reality. i am on alert, constantly. something in me is extremely sad and my left foot hurts, red, swollen, as if it wanted to be a second heart because the first one is not sufficient. no, no, these are not only words. i am a human being here. i called two different institutions to try to maybe join them for a vacation from life, but no. not possible. food, money, therapy. every time i come back to your reality, i am led to quickly enter into another physiological shock and then i slide back into my darkness. is the truth i find in your world worse than my truth?